We'll be extinct in no time, Da ...

I read an interesting article on business week today. It detailed the double standards adopted by top US firms as far as the environment goes. Apparently, 3 major US firms (GE, Caterpillar and Alcoa) sit both on the USCAP(US Climate Action Partnership), a body actively seeking to reduce CO2 emissions and save the environment, and on the board of CEED (Centre for Energy and Economic Development), which opposes major climate-oriented policies, such as the 65% reduction in emissions by 2050.

Manic Hypocrisy. One wouldnt expect the top of the fortune 500 to 'engage in activities leading to a greener future'. Logical Deduction - we'll be extinct in no time. Face it - even the companies who want to give up their polluting ways cant, cos the competition will beat the crap out of them if they do. Most eco-friendly practices cost money. Unless they become the industry standard, no one will conform to such ideals. Soon, mankind will develop weapons and machinery capable to sucking the planet's surface clean of all life and sustenance. Despite pleas from protesters, governments in the developing world will endorse such programs, seeking monetary gains. We will, in about 3 centuries from now, rid the planet of all life other than ourselves.

'Greed is good', says Gordon Gekko. '..captures the evolutionary spirit' he adds. At first sight, it seems plausible. Necessity is not the only mother of invention. Greed is what fuels efficiency. 'Want' has separated itself from 'Need' and grown enormously.

As with every other rhetorical statement, it is flawed. The human race has conquered all other competing species by cooperation. It is our teamwork which has ensured our survival over countless millennia. Therefore, what the global top ten must learn from this adage is that there shouldn't be a need for govt restriction on Carbon Emissions. Cartels which adopt pro-environment stances are needed to fight the gordon gekkos in the 500.

Next - the long awaited movie review !! (Jodhaa Akbar - opinions, spoilers(if any) and historical trivia). (a treat to my imaginary fan base) :D

Chennai SuperKings, Da ??

The book review was up next, but couldnt let this slip past my list of posts.

Fact : Im dont watch sports. May be because i didnt play too much as a kid, may be because the sheer commercialisation of the holy arenas of competition - I dont watch sports.

The buzz around college recently was the next big thing in Cricket - the IPL. City based teams were set to emulate the premier league-esque county style cricket in India. Apparently, a 20-20 tourney has been scheduled for the april of this year. Whats worse, all the newspapers are now raving about the amount of money each team is willing to pay for securing theur choice of players.

The guy called Dhoni now costs about 1.5 million dollars. Thats 600 Lacs in INR. Thats how much he gets each year for 3 years until his contract ends. Plus, he'll be playing for 'Chennai SuperKings'.

2 questions - Why spend so much on something which is, after all, a sport? and, WTF are SuperKings ??

Second question first - SuperKings - like saying, "Machan, Nee Sooper King-u da!' - (dude, ur a super-king)(meaning, 'dude, ur great!') (enlightenment thanks to Robin )Still, what kind of monkey crap is 'SuperKing'?? and if dhoni becomes captain, he'll be the king of the superkings. Im sure he's looking forward to that appellation.

Why spend so much? - Im not complaining. Even if spent on stupid, inane, mindless activities such as cricket, spending is good. it drives the economy forward. It creates livelhoods. It creates value(literally) where there was none. Dhoni will buy a new car with his money. The car company will pay workers for assembly/maintenance. Dhoni will drive his new car with IOC premium petrol, buy accessories from fancy stores, get it serviced twice in 3 months, all of which contributes in small amounts to the smooth running of the economy.

In this way, a ripple effect surges thru the economy due to Dhoni's spending. Now, one can always argue that the money can be better spent by the right people whose very intention is to drive the economy forward (me, for instance :D), alas, these thoughts are in vain. True, it will be better in the right hands, but i like to believe that the money is best spent by the person who earned it. This is because of what i'd like to call 'Personal Utility'. Only the dog knows the value of the bone. Similarly, India Cements isnt just paying Dhoni 600 lacs, but is paying 600 lacs of it's money for him. Therefore, the full value of those 600 lacs can only be understood by the company itself. Hence, regretfully, i must concede that this mindless ritual actually has positive effects on india as a whole.

Every transaction is designed to enable value addition for both parties. Thus, a value chain of sorts can be conjured to explain how Dhoni will enrich India with his spending.


Dhoni > Car company -> Pays dealers, Workers, Govt (tax), Insurance company etc

Dhoni -> Buys a house -> Pays Broker, Govt(fees and property tax), Insurance company, Employing labourers for construction/house work etc


Now, Let is consider X Ltd, a company recently launching a childrens education fund with 600 lacs


X - Fund - Educates Children - X claims 'CSR', stock price doubles, the world is happy - World shifts focus to Ozone Depletion, X suspends activities when no one is watching, invests in 'Green World' marathons and other banalities.

Dhoni is the best recipient of the money, closely followed by jobless critics of the game like myself. I rest my case.

Whats with the tubelights, Da ??

The minority always suffers. Opinions and standards are for the exclusive use of the majority. Only a set of very influential, small number of people can disprove this conjecture. Unfortunately, Fans of star trek and star wars hardly qualify as influential. We've seen and heard jokes about 'trekkies', as the fans of Star Trek are called in the US. This is a first hand account of the crap a ardent star wars aficionado gets from imbecile peers.

I dont call myself 'Jedi' or call my religion that, but have some admiration for the series as a whole and have followed both the movies and spin offs in other media diligently. There are a species of boring morons(BM) only found on Planet I (IIM Indore).

This species has the following peculiar behavioural characteristics; their responses to certain stimuli presented within quotes.("") (note : thoughts to self made within brackets)

1. (When im watching the movie/episode in my room) "Hey!! Tubelight Fight!!! go back, i wanna see it from the beginning.... dont these guys get an electric shock??" (Dude, go watch prison break... hath saale )

2. (With facebook's nominate ur friend application; most like to) "swing green tubelights at people thinking he's darth bader" (Its red lightsabre, moron, and its Vader, as in Vladivostok)

3. (on gtalk) dude, share that Star trek episode 6 on the LAN. (may god have mercy on your soul)

4. (on watching the movie...)"Dude!! this is amazing..." (Great!! another fan in the making - perhaps he realises that buddhism is the inspiration for lucas' 'jedi code' ). "the tubelights can get switched ON super fast, Da!!!".(oh crap..)

5. (Star Trek 11 trailer had been released) "Wont that idiot george lucas stop with 6 already...??"

Its amazing how we know nothing about the sci fi genre of books and movies in India (My apologies to the hard-core sci-fanatic reading this, im only trying to make a point). Is it just that the cultural disposition toward 'unearthly' themes is that of ridicule, or has it just not taken off owing to not-so-widespread literacy ??

Im now starting on the Illuminatus Trilogy; not sci fi at all, but good reading nonetheless.

Next Post : First Ever Movie/Book review !!! (a treat to my whopping 8 rss subscribers and 10 average daily unique visitors) (:D)

Its the dawn of the arbit GDs, Da ..

Its that time of year, when the butterflies fly serenely across a field of flowers, when the stag eyes the doe, when the ice melts and gives way to new life.... and when 10 people scream their lungs out trying to be the 'moderator'.

thats right, Group Discussions/Personal Interviews(GD/PI) for admission into the Indian Institutes of Management have begun. An old friend of mine gave me a call saying that he needed some tips for the process to come. I reminisced some of my experiences at the time...
I had calls from Lucknow(L), Indore(I), and Kozhikode(K). My first GDPI was for K.

I had been to the GDPI training module that T.I.M.E had organised, and felt pretty comfy. After all, its only a GD.(actually, thats what i told myself to calm down. i was a nervous git at the time). 8 people were called in, i was one of them. I socialised with a few, got to know their names and backgrounds (couldnt help noticing that the girl in the black suit looked awesome). We were seated in an oval, with a piece of paper kept blankside-up in front of us. 2 minutes given to prepare, 10 to discuss, the rules said. The prof signaled the start of the 2 minutes. I was under-confident to the point that i almost got stomach cramps when i saw the topic -

'Chinese hamburgers are the next big thing'.

WTF ?? i want 'Red is Green' or similar sounding abstract topics!!... not some crap of this sort!! I could see no trace of surprise on any of the other people's faces. That makes me the only 'glober' in the GD. Golden Rule - 'Dont Panic. theyre all, mostly harmless'. I took the first minute to calm down, and the second to jot down arbit points. This should be an abstract topic.. what the hell is a chinese hamburger ??

The guy from Delhi started out 'Given the abstract nature of the topic, id like to take a view on this; i think the 'chinese hamburger' is representative of ... blah ... and so i think the GDP plays a huge factor."

Ok, i shudve listened, hes brought in the god damn GDP. evasive manoeuver - the remaining 7 of us fight for a chance to talk, i lead the pack by waiting for the calm, and then raising volume - 'I completely agree with the GDP dude, but i feel a different view is required to realise in full what the topic suggests.(man, i can talk like that??)'

'See, the chinese hamburger is a reference to the impact of globalisation on the development of the world ... blah ... cultures blend, giving rise to everything from new tech to new cuisine ... blah ... chinese is symbolic of 'east' and hamburger of 'west' ... more blah'.

There, im happy now. starting with ' I agree with him ... ' never fails. thats rule no. 2. The GD progresses on these lines, with smaller contributions from my side. Phew, that wasnt so bad, was it?

We were asked to wait outside the room, while members of the group were singled out and called back in for the personal interview.

I had no idea what was gonna hit me next. I was the 3rd person called for the interview; twas a pretty long wait, anxiety doing its worst. After frantic attempts to find out what the questions were like from the people who went in before me, it was my turn. I learnt that there were 2 profs - bald guy and silent killer. Why they called him silent killer, i was going to find out.

Bald Guy - come in, come in.. have a seat...
Silent Killer - *blank*
Poor Me - (took the seat)
BG - so, Chennai eh?? whats the city like?(im from Madras, now called chennai)
PM - Oh, its good... historic city with innumerable cultural influences.. (WTF?? stop globing, idiot...)
BG - aah, im sure. so, tell me abt urself...
PM - (usual blah)
BG - astronomer eh?? (he was one too... thus followed 40 qs on telescope adjustment, stars, and constellations. all answered well, thankfully)

BG - so, mr srivats, watcha think of the GD ??
PM - (dude........) yeah, it was ok... served its purpose...
BG - good... good ... now, ur an electronics engineer??
PM - thats right dude...
BG - why mba, mac ??
PM - usual blah...
BG - aah, starting a company?? nice... very nice... what kind of company??
PM - (hey! ur supposed to be impressed and stop at that... dimwit...) (some more blah)
BG - interesting... interesting...
SK - hang on... u have this subject called, 'engineering economics and financial accounting...??'
PM - (oh shit... why me? why that? why now? damn u to hell, silent killer!!) yeah, so?
SK - whatcha learn, mac?
PM - oh, the usual - demand curves, some balance sheet etc - but it is not my forte... (:D)
SK - (evil grin) im sure.... so, what are the two sides of a balance sheet ??
PM - oh easy... (hang on, what are the two sides?? dude, i knew this!!) im not very sure sir...
SK - cmon srivats, im sure u can do better than that...
PM - well, at ur insistence, il hazard a guess..
BG and SK - yeah????


PM - income, and outcome...

BG, SK - hahahahaha, hohohohohohoho, hhehhehhehhhheeeeee, this guy is too good!!!
PM - haha, ahem, yeah.. haha...

that was the end. the finishing move. i committed sepukku in my first IIM GDPI. I was only hoping that theyd realise that it was a mistake any non commerce guy cud make...(yeah right!).

Luckily, they did want me back to teach me what the two sides really were, and more at K. but then, im here at I, and loving it...!! (:D)

Dont correct me when im talking, Da !!

Im bad at conversations. Especially when im explaining why im not to blame, when i am. sometimes, the angry other tends to make mistakes - grammatical or otherwise - and i always end up correcting them, only to worsen my already precarious diplomatic mission.

When on the phone with mom :

mom - "Did u look up that relative living in Indore??"
me - "no, shud i have??"
mom - "whaaaat did i tell u before leaving... blah blah .... old lady, have some consideration for others.... blah ... poor padma paati..." (tamil for grandmother, also used for old women when referenced)
me - "isnt she shanta paati ??"
mom - "* blank* yes, BUT U DONT GET MY POINT. STOP CORRECTING ME WHEN IM TALKING"

Talking to a good friend, generally :

Fr - "Ive got an admit from AIM manila !!(pronouncing it like an acronym)"
me - "i think its just A I M, not aim .. "
Fr "Dei baadu (u pimp) ... ur supposed to congratulate me, watha (id rather not translate) "

Sometimes i do it just for the fun of it :D. Something tells karma has it's sights on me...

Whats in a Name, Da ??

One of my friends is now a father!! (kudos Avi!!). We caught up after a long time and he shared his experience with selecting a suitable name for his child...

Avi had always been fond of 'Lavanya'. (:D) (an old college crush, whose name he liked a lot). Anyways, his wife wanted that the name begin with the same letter as her name does. (Kavita)
A small argument snowballed into a lot more, with no amicable solution in sight. He got thinking about names like 'river' and 'leaf' taking after Joaquin Phoenix, one of his favorite actors. Again, Kavi shrugged this idea off; indian names only.

Avi changed lines, what if its a boy?? he wanted Avi jr. This wasnt very attractive to the counter party, who wanted a 'distinct yet subtle' name for her son. Putting his managerial skills to the task, he came with some data, akin to what we see in Freakonomics - custom made for Hindu names.

He predicted that 5 hindu names would be most popular in India by 2011 :
Boys:
1. Anand
2. Vikram
3. Mohan
4. Aditya
5. Sanjeev

and girls:

1. Kanchana
2. Lavanya - (we all suspect foul play here :D)
3. Ambika
4. Radhika
5. Gayatri

All with his own logic for it. (Income levels of the various SECs, and associated blah). Ultimately, this list didn't get past his wife. A long and arduous battle ensued, until finally 2 names were agreed upon :

Kanchana for the girl, Avinash (no junior appended) for the boy. And, finally, after all the waiting, a big and warm welcome to Avinash Chatterjee !! (jr ??)

What’s Life without Risk, Da??

The last term at IIM Indore, is as expected – loads of free time, mind numbing boredom.
Sajeev has brainwaves sometimes. At one such instance, he decided to buy a board game called ‘Risk’. It wasn’t like any game I had played before.

The board is essentially the world map, split up into 42 nations. Players first roll the die to determine the highest number rolled, and choose territories to occupy in a clockwise fashion from the highest caster. To indicate occupation, they place a unit on that territory. Risk essentially has 3 army pieces.

1. Infantry – Worth 1 unit
2. Cavalry – Worth 5 units
3. Artillery – Worth 10 units

The pieces themselves only serve to reduce the ‘traffic’ on the map as the game progresses. Once the countries are chosen, the players have a set number of units (20 in the case of a 4 player game) to distribute across their territory. They may choose to concentrate forces at key locations, or chose to spread out and converge at a later point in time.
After the distribution, battle begins. Traditional die roll is used to determine outcomes, with each round consisting of a max of 3 invaders and 2 defenders. Each player uses one die per unit attacking/defending. The highest 2 dice for each are compared, and then the next 2, to determine the winner for each attacker/defender unit pair. The goal is global domination, baby.
Yeah, I felt bored while going thru the rule book too. Anyways, the computer version is much faster and a lot more fun, especially since others can join in over the LAN. As is with all new things, I got Addicted.
I realized when playing with the computer that some major connections on the world map had to be taken. With these junctions defended from atleast one side, there was no stopping me in long run. On the whole, an awesome game to play, and a big waste of time. I take about 20 mins per game, and play for about 4 hours before i'm bored.

Heres the link to the computer version (WARNING : Uber Addictive) :

http://www.janbuurstrasoftware.com/EmpireXP52.msi