Long time no blogpost da...

Yeah. the mans been busy. not like anyone cares. but anyway.

Seems like age is catching up with me. Or thats how i feel when I open up my inbox. Suddenly 50% of the unread emails have 'humbly requesting your presence at my marriage' at the subject line. And. most of them are from the guys in my class. I remember that I was young for my class - on an average, 8 months younger than the second youngest, which makes me think - does this mean I have to get hitched in a years time to avoid the 'oh you're not married yet?' 

Why is everyone in such a hurry to get married ? - an old classmate (OM) and I caught up on gtalk after a while. Heres how the conversation went:

OM: Machan howre u da ? been such a long time...

Me: Yeah, Yeah, I'm fine, sup with u ? hows life in whereever you are ?

OM: Great !! Im due for promotion next month ! and the wifeys loving it...

Me: The who ?

OM: I got married to my girlfriend last june da. shes working with infosys.

Me: Oh great congrats man ! (thanks for not inviting me. chutiya.)

OM: Yeah Yeah. I wudve called you, but I heard you were in the US.

Me: (Yeah right. and I have a pet grebe) Ah, thats ok man...

OM: So how about you ? Hows the kid doing ?

Me: (ZONK). The what da ??

OM: The kid da, You had a kid sometime recently right ?

Me: (Not unless I was made compulsory sperm donor while I slept. And someone actually picked my sperm -  A lesbian couple from prague, perhaps) Err, no, what gave you that idea da ??

OM: Man, I though you got married like ages ago... someone told me u have a kid n all...

Me: (WTF). Dude, u sure u know who you're talking to ?

OM: Yeah Yeah, maybe i got the whole ,marriage and kid thing confused with someone else.. so hows life ??

Me: (Still recovering) Yeah, blah, blah... and blah.

Scary. Maybe I should begin every conversation with my married friends like 'hows the old ball and chain ??'. That'd pre empt mistakes of this sort. and probably all future conversations too, but its worth it. :D

Lets go Clubbing da...

Ok, all city folk know that you aint no cool until you go clubbing.

When I landed in madras a while ago, some old friends of mine also flew down, and we really did not have much to do except meet up at the beach, eat someplace, talk for a while and and then go home. Thats when somebody came up with the 'lets go clubbing' idea.

Apparently, there are a large number of pubs and discos in madras, and clubbing is a major activity of the hip and cool. It usually involves payment of some kind of fee to enter the pub or disco, and inside theres some really loud music and other stuff going around.

Confession - I havent been to one of these places since my awesome experience in the second year of college. I wasnt blogging then, so heres the summary of that event - I went in, couldnt see much cos the lights were bad, couldnt hear much cos the music was loud, friends got completely sloshed and had a real bad headache after I got back home.

Realisation - nothings changed. The lights have gotten a bit worse, but apart from that, nothing. A friend i knew knew someone who knew someone else, so our entry was 'taken care of'. We went down some wierd looking catacomb like thing and entered a predominantly green looking room, with smoke and rays of light going thru the air. It was like something out of a bad LSD commercial, if they were allowed to make one.

So we got around to catching a place to sit, and ordered some snacks, but never got to talk. So much for catching up. We quit the joint asap, and headed straight down to the beach. My impression of the clubbing activity has sort of gone down this week. Doesn't appear as cool as it used to in college.

I went back home and hit the urban dictionary, and looked up clubbing :

1.	clubbing	380 up, 115 down
	A favourite activity of the moronic majority, this involves being shunted like cattle into a converted warehouse... sadly not to be slaughtered, but to wear ridiculous trendy clothes, listen to crap eardrum-shattering music, try to pick up brainless members of the opposite sex, and generally stand around aimlessly in a desperate but pointless attempt to show how cool you are. "Wanna go clubbing tonight?"

Looks like I'm not the only one.

Finally, Firefox with the goodness of Chrome da...

Yeah, tech stuff. I did not imagine that Itd feature on my blog either. But Ive finally got a great looking and performing Firefox - which looks like chrome, and has the add-on capability.

Heres a list of things I really liked about chrome -

1. Minimalist - the design is awesome. The color scheme is also good; doesnt cause as many headaches from constant work with the lappy.

2. Speed - streaming videos load fast, and theres a visible difference in how long a page riddled with javascript takes to load. (compared to Firefox 3.0, ie)

3. The new tab page - The recent bookmarks, search history, and recently closed tabs with thumbs of most visited pages was well received. Infact, this new format for a new tab is very useful.

These were the things I missed about chrome. But then, firefox has the 'add-ons' capability, which is way too handy to give up, even for these chrome given advantages.

With a heavy heart, I sacked chrome and got back Firefox. 3 days later, I googled up what I needed to do in order to get the best of both worlds. im sure theres someone in my super long list of faithful readers who shares the need.

Heres the checklist -

1. To make FF look like chrome - get Chromifox. Its a cool skin. Looks very much like Chrome.

2. New tab - get the JumpStart addon. replicates the exact same functionality as chrome, but also plans to enhance the search to run thru previously stored bookmarks, and a general google search.

the speed with which streaming video websites are handled are pretty much the same with FF 3.0.5 and Chrome. So no complaints there. In addition, I use addons like scribefire, greasemonkey, and also imported all my bookmarks from chrome. (Yeah, thats easy nowadays).

Finally, a great looking and super performing browser.

In the streets of Madras, Da...

Ive you've read my earlier post about getting caught driving fast in the US, you wouldve inferred that I did drive in the US. Now that I'm back in Madras, the difference between the american and indian ways of getting places is just so apparent.

I landed at Anna Intl airport and walked out to the road at 3am. As with any 'foreign return' flight, a huge crowd of drivers and anxious family members had gathered to welcome the 'foreign returns'. In this case, 'Amreega returns'. Anyways, I dragged my overloaded trolley out onto the road to look for my contact person. The agreement was that Id wait near an airtel Phone booth. Sadly, my contact had other more important matters of national importance to attend to. (snoring to glory inside the car in the parking lot).

This gave me about 35 minutes to look around and observe. I noticed when I landed in the US how everyone diligently follows a lane discipline, ie sticking to lane on the road and indicating when lane changes are about to be made. In good ol madras, its a free for all. I saw 3-4 ambassadors speed and screech to a halt in front of the departure terminal, only to be screamed at by a huge family waiting there. Meanwhile, several auto drivers took the opportunity to squeeze their monstrous vehicles of doom in the gap between the family members in order to overtake the ambassador. its like theres some adrenaline induced frenzy to stay 2 feet ahead of guy in front of you in a packed road. Frankly, it defies all logic.

After I met my elusive contact, my journey home began. In short, it was like sitting in a crash test vehicle. After every 15 seconds of fast driving, a near sudden brake would be made since the car's overtake attempt was foiled by the angry SUV driver in front.

Yeah, there are stupid people in the US too, but our country needs an overhaul of traffic rules. People should start making petitions, actively campaigning for some sort of system level change. This is all the more important when considering the sheer number of vehicles our cities have in comparison with the width of the roads.

Poi solla porom, da..

Thats right, the first post with a tam title on my blog.

There are a category of movies called heist films. It involves either a sophisticatedly executed bank robbery, or art theft, or any robbery for that matter. The key to enjoying this genre is to appriciate the modus operandi.

Im a big fan of heist films, and I was very thrilled to learn of a tam movie being made along those lines. and it did not disappoint at all.

Karthik Kumar of Evam fame plays the near-centric protagonist, and its a low budget 'get back at the bad guy' kind of movie. I wouldve been very impressed if the heist itself had more detail and story built in to it. The backstory seemed to have the lions share of screen time here. Piaa Bajpai plays the love interest of the hero, decent performance. I could go on about the cast and how well they did, but thats boring.

So these guys make believe that a huge area of land surrounding the old mahabalipuram road is theirs, and fool a bad guy who is played by Nasser. This movie became a pseudo hit - so is madras ready for a wider range of movie/serials ? could the next prime time serial on sun tv be a sci fi thriller ?

There have been attempts bordering this genre before - a slew o f serials starting with 'marma desam' brought in the horror/thriller angle pretty well. But what they did not do was immerse themselves into a dedicated multi season format with a compelling story line. Some reasons why programs like NBC's Heroes succeed in the US is the strong plot, and their ability to get the viewer thinking - what if I could do those things?. This is brought out by the characters themselves who portray their parts to perfection, striking a chord of familiarity with the audience.

From a purely business standpoint, if someone has a scifi story set in the city of madras, people can go about raising investment from private parties and get a good show up and running. Im fairly confident that the returns would be sufficiently high given the low average age of the city, tempting advertisers to pay a hefty premium. I know id tune in if a tamil remake of Heroes with good enough graphics came up on TV...

I look good in that, Da ...

Great people have said that theres no love like self love. Anyone wishing to misconstrue that to suit their own nefarious purposes are free to, so long as its not on the comments section :D ..

What embodies self love more than monuments to the self ?? Pharoahs built monuments to themselves. Roman dictator Caligula had 17 stone masons each carve out 3 statues a year depicting him neck up, and roman atheletes neck down. 

Anyhoo, most of us dont have the time or the money to comission odes our god given beauty. We do what we've been doing for 2 million years now - improvise.

A guy named Orkut Buyukkokten came up with the social networking idea with Orkut, and then Mark Zuckerberg came up with Facebook. Both these websites offer its members the freedom to upload photos. Unlimited number of photos. 

BANG. It was like the WalMART for compulsive narcissist. I was logging into Orkut sometime ago, when I noticed in the 'recent updates' section that one of my friends had uploaded 17 photos of himself, all different poses. I would like to emphasise 'poses'. The same clothes, same hairstyle, same everything except the 'pose'. You can equate 'pose' to stance, look on the face, whatever.

I could not resist a small q and a.

Me : Dude, why all the photos ? is that like On-Demand, or launching a new product ?

Compulsive Narcissist (CN) : WTF ? uve uploaded photos of urself too !!

DISCLAIMER : True. I did uploaded photos of myself. Photos that I thought brought out the best looking me. But hey, thats just 1 photo, among other non-me photos, and recommonded for upload by entitites other than myself.

CN : So what ? I have other photos too ! Hypocrite !

Me : Ok. Your album has 158 photos, 20 of which feature you standing in front of a wall, photographing yourself. And of the 158, 16 dont have you, but they are pictures of wallpapers hooked off some other websites. and 40 have you standing with other people....

CN : So?

Me : Nothing, im just surprised that you have a different photo for every way you can twitch your eyebrows, and add captions like 'you lookin at me?'  and 'im sad..' and 'watcha!' .... among others....

CN : The babes want that man !!

Me : No kidding... So whats the news on that front da ? Ive been hearing some stuff...

etc etc. The conversation went on.

My point here is simple - the internet is a very  very powerful tool. Now its almost as though everyone who has access to the internet can establish an indentity for themselves, which is in many ways much larger than they can ever hope to do without the internet. That leads to interesting results motivated by the psyche, as Ive just described. 

It would be very interesting to explore exactly how a persons activities online, read against his/her psychological profile ? or maybe someones already done that, I gotta get googling.

Harold and Srivats get caught speeding, Da ..

Seattle is a funny place. Its a very liberal city. (Obama rocks, as they say). There are more libertairian and Minarchist discussion groups here than anywhere else in the states, they say. Ive been to these meetings, but thats not what im writing about.

On my way there, i got pulled over by a cop for speeding. I was running at 60 in a 40 mph road. The cops here are very different compared to the ones we find in India. No 'beer belly', handlebar moustache, or the feeling that your purse is gonna get flushed. 

The cop walks over to the car window, and I ask him after lowering my window - 'what seems to be the problem, officer ?' all in an indian accent. He gave the 'wtf ?' look, and said ...

cop - 'You were driving at 65 mph on this road sir.. is that correct ?'

me - 'yeah, maybe, but i wasnt at that speed for long officer, just the occasional burst, you know its impossible to maintain constant .... blah... also, blah ...'

cop - 'yeah. sure. can i see you're license, sir ?'

me - (here we go) 'k, here'

cop - 'this is an indian license, sir'

me - 'really ? i mean, yeah, it is..'

cop - 'u need to apply for an international drivers license in washington state to own/drive a car, sir'

me - 'yeah, but i moved here a week ago, an blah, more blah...'

After that, he was getting pretty serious, and indicated that I might need to come 'downtown'.

me - 'what ?? why ?'

cop - 'i see that ur partner in crime isnt here with u'

me - 'huh ?'

cop - 'is ur last name coomar ??'

me - 'yeah ?'

cop - 'so wheres harold, mr coomar ?'

Thats when I got the joke. It was a good laugh, and then he said my indian license would definitely not work. I said alright, and got let off cos it was my first time. Infact, the surname Coomar hits a chord of familiarity with the people here, so much so that I do not have to spell out my name each time I make reservations at restaurants and wait at the barbers. I think i'l use it more extensively, now on...

Well, Theres Tamil, and theres French, Da ...

All of us have an adventure when we're on long distance flights. Especially if you have funny people sitting beside you on these long hauls.

I was heading for Paris from Madras by Air France (which the french pronounce 'Fronse'). Anyways, it was a 10 hr flight, leaving madras at something like 1 am. There were a horde of students headed to the US to do their MS. I met 3 people from my college there, which is blogpost material in itself, but the people who ended up sitting next to me are the post-centric topic.

The guy on my right was working for cooper industries, married, and the usual indian emigrant. The girl on my left is the inspiration for this post. She spent half her time sleeping, so i cuddnt really break the ice. When she did wake up, I dint see any enthu to open a conversation from her side, so i threw open a line.

'So, ur headed to the US to do ur MS too ?'\

Girl - 'enakku tamil matrum fronse mattum thaan theriyum' (i know only tamil and french)

ZONK. what ??, hang on, did i miss something ?? is this a bad excuse to not have a conversation with me ?

yep. sounds like that. But then, i dont give up easy.

me - 'neenga US ku mel padippu panna porengala ?' (headed to the US for higher studies ?)
Tamil French Girl (TFG) - 'Oh! Tamil theriyuma ungaluku ?' (hey! u know tamil!!)

(the conversation represented in english henceforth for the benefit of my worldwiode audience)

me - 'yeah yeah, im from madras, lady. was brought up there..'
tfg - 'oh alright! i was in madras for 7 years before my family shifted to paris. I studied in a tamil medium school, and then shifted to paris, where I dint have an english medium education. sorry if i startled you!'

me - 'oh no, its just that i havent met anyone whos bilingual and doesnt talk english!'

tfg - 'blah blah'
me - 'blah blah blah'

(and then the casual 'state of the world' talk, the 'tamil vs hindi' VS 'english vs french' talk, and the 'pink panther' talk)

I made a good friend on the plane, and theres nothing of note in the rest of the conversation, except that i found it very hard to talk in tamil alone, and not use a single word of english.

That just goes to show that im a victim of the cultural genocide. I dont know what my first language is, english, or tamil. ive never bothered to learn to read or write tamil, a fact which im not very comfortable with. Its one of those rare moments when I agree with politicians fighting for the compulsory tamil education in schools.

The reason software is released in spanish, french, and other languages is cos the consumer base refuses to use english as a mode of communication. We indians dont insist on using hindi, or tamil or telugu or whatever - we adapt, and in that process, lose our identity. Atleast I know i have.

moral of the story - i need to work on getting back to my roots. Its double let down for me since ive spent all my life in india.

Machan, I cant talk to babies da....

Yeah, i just discovered that i need to work on baby talk.

Heres how:
A good friend of mine was in town a while ago, and i thought id drop in. I knew that she had a daughter who was around 10 months old, what i dint know was that this fact changed a lot of things...

I went to her place on a saturday afternoon, with some candy for the kid, which was grabbed from my hand and surreptiously smuggled into the kitchen, lest there be hue and cry for candy that very instant. We got around to discussing how things were/have been/should be/shouldnt be/going to be etc. Thats when the kid came into the picture.

She came to her mom, and said something unintellegible. Then the kid's grandmother enters and says 'that means she wants her doll' or something to that effect..

At this moment, her mother picks her up and says 'oogie poogie, doll veynuma?? enna maa? achuchuchucho... ' and more gobbledegook.

When people do this, they look very very stupid. I personally think this activity has no value-add in parent-child relationship cos im sure the kid shared my opinion. anyways, there i was watching all the fun, when the mother says -

mom - 'want to talk to anna ?' (want to talk to the elder bro ?)
kid- dosent seem to mind
mom - 'here, u talk for a while...'

me - 'what? me? no, no way'
mom - 'oh cmon, she wont bite !'
me(to myself) - thats not what im worried about !!

the lil kid gets shoved into my hands, and then a million thoughts ran thru my head...
1. maybe i shud imitate what the mom was doing ?
2. better, shud i just introduce myself?
3. how is that better? idiot, do something !!

thats when i remembered charlie waffle. Charlie Waffle is a character uncle charlie plays in an episode of Two and a half men, but his reasons were on a totally different level. i followed his modus operandi.

I looked at the baby, and started singing what i usually say to new people i meet... 'Hi!! how are you ?? ...' (more like speaking in a tune, with characteristically high noted starts and stops, with low noted mid-segments)

The kid loved it. She wouldnt get off me, and had the cutest laugh ive heard.

I still have to perfect my technique, and still maintain that adults sound amazingly stupid when the talk that way. (There was another instant when the grandmother tried something similar and the kid started crying, which was even more hilarious :D)

Its all cos of the Inflation da...

I was the acting beast of burden for my mom the other day near kapaleeshwar kovil, where exists a large vegetable market (mandi). My mom was complaining about the rising prices of tomatoes, beans, and rice among others, while the shopkeepers were shouting their prices at the top of their voices.

I wasnt the only mule around - almost every mom was accompanied by a highly disinterested son or husband whose sole purpose was to carry the bags. (earlier : "no ma, i cant come with you, ive got work to do". mom - "im getting old! i do so much! no one helps out!! ... blah!!". me - "okokokokokok... il come". mom - "great!")
Anyways, we were talking about all the chaos 'the inflation' has caused in its wake, and stopped at a seller's cart. He was quoting a price per kilo which was Rs 5 more than what my mom bought stuff for the previous week. She started arguing, and the seller returned fire.
seller - Adhellam yinfayshin ma (All that is because of the yinfayshin, lady)
mom - no dude, no way. im paying you what i paid last week

seller - its not my price lady,its yinfayshin
mom - what?
seller - YIN-FAY-SHIN

mom - (at me) whats he saying??
me - what??

seller - the prices rising lady, YINFAYSHIN

Wisdom dawned. INFLATION. the semi literate seller was trying to explain to us that his extraordinary markup on vegetables was because of the inflation.

What is noteworthy here is the power of media. Turns out that news and events transmitted thru english and regional language channels have a wide reaching audience which not only digests news, but is also discerning and relates to the news items it is familiar with. we settled the bill somewhere in the middle of what mom wanted to pay, and what he wanted her to pay.

The power of media is reaching new heights. If only we could use it to disseminate knowledge where its needed most....

Au revoir, IIM Indore..We come to it at last, Da ...

2 years. Thats how long they say it is. It certainly didn't feel as long; yet, i cant ignore the degree of change in everything that defines me - Ideology, beliefs, knowledge, character and personality.

Ive never stayed out of home, having been a day-scholar(day sci) all my life. So the first few weeks here at Planet I was something radically different for me. Be it the classes, the CP (class participation), the food, the language - everything.

I spent the first day running around the hostel premises in circles not knowing where my room was - it was a confusing maze, comprising of 5 blocks, A through E. I was initially put up at C 318, top floor, C block. I couldn't sleep at all for the first 2 days that i spent here; the excitement just did not die down. On the third day, my parents saw me off and returned home to Madras. It felt very strange, as though it would be the last time they would see me as the man they knew. It was. In my time away from home, Ive changed a lot.

The first few days were spent in getting to know people; both seniors and those in my batch. The language problem was very apparent now, and i felt the need to learn it. Thus began my active role in trying to understand spoken Hindi. I made good progress, and am proud of it. The next few weeks were spent trying get the hang of the academic system here- credits, DCPs, quizzes, End-terms, Midterms, Projects, Group Work, and the likes. I met my study group the first time during a microeconomics assignment, and got to know them better during subsequent meetings.

After that, I began making friends outside the confines of both my section and my study group. With that, came the ubiquitous trips to Indore city. The institute was roughly 20km away, and hanging out involved booking a cab and hurrying back before 11pm. With that, i was acquainted with Hindi film music. There was a lot that i had missed living in Madras, and this was my chance to catch up.

Then came 'positions of responsibility', serious stuff here in B schools, and i was eager to take it on and prove myself. I saw my first student body election, and contested. Later, Came summer placements; a testing time for the batch, arguably one of the foremost catalysts in cementing our unity. I was down when the first day went by with no news of success, I felt elated when my efforts paid off the second day, which quickly vanished, replaced by sympathy for the people i knew who were still in the process of getting placed. The whole process ended soon, bringing color back to peoples faces after days of restlessness.

Post summers, the academic workload increased, and so did plans for the career. My stand(s) on career choices (Fin Vs Marketing) was something of a running gag (explained in a soon to come post). Then we went around India on our summer internships, learning a considerable lot about corporate life. (No, its no where near the rocket science i thought it to be).

We came back, only to be torn asunder under the rule of electives. The finance and marketing students rarely saw each other in the same class, excepting common subjects and compulsory courses. The second year saw a lot of extra curricular activity, and some bearing fruits (Asia Moot Corp 2008) and some not. I learn't more than what i learn't in the entirety of the first year working on those projects.

Finally, its placement time. Things are beginning to heat up, with placement dates nearing. The last week on campus brings back fond memories of the place i called home for almost 2 years.

Here, at the end of all things, I cannot but help but wonder where the 2 most awesome years of my life went. I cannot imagine going to work, or coming back home and not have someone call me and say, 'Dude, lets hit the night canteen' or 'Dude, two and a half men season 2 episode 8 rocks!! download and watch it now!!' or 'Dude, u gotta this assignment man...'(refer this for more info on this statement)

Au revoir, IIM Indore, Im proud to be one of the myriad whom you've nurtured over the past decade.

Jodhaa Akbar - Machan, this makes no sense Da ..!!

Yeah, saw the movie. 3.5 hours. Summary Reaction - Gowariker's focus on detail with elaborate sets and great script doesnt make up for the fact that the whole movie is a tad too long, too boring; guessing the denouement is a no-brainer. The only thing carrying the movie forward is the fine acting performances of an ensemble cast, Sonu Sood in particular.

Sometimes I think Gowariker wanted to create a spectacle of the war scenes, with elephants and horses and swords and the likes.. somehow that doesnt materialise. Theres too little gore to call it bloody, too many elephants to call it lame. The props look like they've been borrowed from 'The Mahabharat', which some people seem to believe.

Next, comes the plot. Its preceded by a very decent disclaimer which tells us not to blame the movie in case we dont agree with the chronology or the events themselves. Forced marriage - Things start looking up - U turn, hits rock bottom - Patched up again - One good guy who turned bad becomes good again - The final showdown between the hero and the villain - THE END.

Apart from what we'd like to see at the movies, there are some elements of Gowariker's ideas that i liked. I don't know if he had this in mind when he made the movie, but this movie brings out a culture fusion angle to the history being retold. In reality, 'Jodhaa' was converted to Islam after marrying Jalauddin Akbar, and is buried according to Islamic rites. Here, we see a more benevolent and understanding Akbar, who lets his new wife dictate terms in his dominion - she builds a temple inside her quarters, and serves rajasthani food during one luncheon. It was fun to see how a little acceptance can go a long way. Perhaps he is subtly aiming at the Hindu-Muslim unity message that films have sent for a long time now ?? Perhaps.

There are several historical inaccuracies in this movie - obviously going uncorrected, in case it affects the film's performance on Friday and after. No one wants a history lesson. Another rather undernoted point is the casting. Aishwarya Rai can pass as anyone these days; im not complaining that shes there. Hrithik being cast as Akbar didn't go down well with me.

Jalaluddin Akbar is a descendant of Genghis Khan, the Mongol ruler formerly called Temujin, renamed 'Khan' when he sat on the throne as ruler of almost half the known world. Mongols, are, well, mongoloid. They dont have sharp noses or chins, and have physical features adapted to surviving in the Gobi. Hrithik isnt your usual mongoloid. Gowariker has cashed in on the Media attention that 'Aishwarya - Hrithik' pairings in movies has got so far, something i dint expect him to do after a movie like Lagaan.

I advise the reader to see the movie once - just to get a feel of why costly movies cost so much - and stop with that. It is impossible to digest this movie a second time round.

PS - and yeah, Rahman does a good job with the music. I guess you don't need me to tell you that.

We'll be extinct in no time, Da ...

I read an interesting article on business week today. It detailed the double standards adopted by top US firms as far as the environment goes. Apparently, 3 major US firms (GE, Caterpillar and Alcoa) sit both on the USCAP(US Climate Action Partnership), a body actively seeking to reduce CO2 emissions and save the environment, and on the board of CEED (Centre for Energy and Economic Development), which opposes major climate-oriented policies, such as the 65% reduction in emissions by 2050.

Manic Hypocrisy. One wouldnt expect the top of the fortune 500 to 'engage in activities leading to a greener future'. Logical Deduction - we'll be extinct in no time. Face it - even the companies who want to give up their polluting ways cant, cos the competition will beat the crap out of them if they do. Most eco-friendly practices cost money. Unless they become the industry standard, no one will conform to such ideals. Soon, mankind will develop weapons and machinery capable to sucking the planet's surface clean of all life and sustenance. Despite pleas from protesters, governments in the developing world will endorse such programs, seeking monetary gains. We will, in about 3 centuries from now, rid the planet of all life other than ourselves.

'Greed is good', says Gordon Gekko. '..captures the evolutionary spirit' he adds. At first sight, it seems plausible. Necessity is not the only mother of invention. Greed is what fuels efficiency. 'Want' has separated itself from 'Need' and grown enormously.

As with every other rhetorical statement, it is flawed. The human race has conquered all other competing species by cooperation. It is our teamwork which has ensured our survival over countless millennia. Therefore, what the global top ten must learn from this adage is that there shouldn't be a need for govt restriction on Carbon Emissions. Cartels which adopt pro-environment stances are needed to fight the gordon gekkos in the 500.

Next - the long awaited movie review !! (Jodhaa Akbar - opinions, spoilers(if any) and historical trivia). (a treat to my imaginary fan base) :D

Chennai SuperKings, Da ??

The book review was up next, but couldnt let this slip past my list of posts.

Fact : Im dont watch sports. May be because i didnt play too much as a kid, may be because the sheer commercialisation of the holy arenas of competition - I dont watch sports.

The buzz around college recently was the next big thing in Cricket - the IPL. City based teams were set to emulate the premier league-esque county style cricket in India. Apparently, a 20-20 tourney has been scheduled for the april of this year. Whats worse, all the newspapers are now raving about the amount of money each team is willing to pay for securing theur choice of players.

The guy called Dhoni now costs about 1.5 million dollars. Thats 600 Lacs in INR. Thats how much he gets each year for 3 years until his contract ends. Plus, he'll be playing for 'Chennai SuperKings'.

2 questions - Why spend so much on something which is, after all, a sport? and, WTF are SuperKings ??

Second question first - SuperKings - like saying, "Machan, Nee Sooper King-u da!' - (dude, ur a super-king)(meaning, 'dude, ur great!') (enlightenment thanks to Robin )Still, what kind of monkey crap is 'SuperKing'?? and if dhoni becomes captain, he'll be the king of the superkings. Im sure he's looking forward to that appellation.

Why spend so much? - Im not complaining. Even if spent on stupid, inane, mindless activities such as cricket, spending is good. it drives the economy forward. It creates livelhoods. It creates value(literally) where there was none. Dhoni will buy a new car with his money. The car company will pay workers for assembly/maintenance. Dhoni will drive his new car with IOC premium petrol, buy accessories from fancy stores, get it serviced twice in 3 months, all of which contributes in small amounts to the smooth running of the economy.

In this way, a ripple effect surges thru the economy due to Dhoni's spending. Now, one can always argue that the money can be better spent by the right people whose very intention is to drive the economy forward (me, for instance :D), alas, these thoughts are in vain. True, it will be better in the right hands, but i like to believe that the money is best spent by the person who earned it. This is because of what i'd like to call 'Personal Utility'. Only the dog knows the value of the bone. Similarly, India Cements isnt just paying Dhoni 600 lacs, but is paying 600 lacs of it's money for him. Therefore, the full value of those 600 lacs can only be understood by the company itself. Hence, regretfully, i must concede that this mindless ritual actually has positive effects on india as a whole.

Every transaction is designed to enable value addition for both parties. Thus, a value chain of sorts can be conjured to explain how Dhoni will enrich India with his spending.


Dhoni > Car company -> Pays dealers, Workers, Govt (tax), Insurance company etc

Dhoni -> Buys a house -> Pays Broker, Govt(fees and property tax), Insurance company, Employing labourers for construction/house work etc


Now, Let is consider X Ltd, a company recently launching a childrens education fund with 600 lacs


X - Fund - Educates Children - X claims 'CSR', stock price doubles, the world is happy - World shifts focus to Ozone Depletion, X suspends activities when no one is watching, invests in 'Green World' marathons and other banalities.

Dhoni is the best recipient of the money, closely followed by jobless critics of the game like myself. I rest my case.

Whats with the tubelights, Da ??

The minority always suffers. Opinions and standards are for the exclusive use of the majority. Only a set of very influential, small number of people can disprove this conjecture. Unfortunately, Fans of star trek and star wars hardly qualify as influential. We've seen and heard jokes about 'trekkies', as the fans of Star Trek are called in the US. This is a first hand account of the crap a ardent star wars aficionado gets from imbecile peers.

I dont call myself 'Jedi' or call my religion that, but have some admiration for the series as a whole and have followed both the movies and spin offs in other media diligently. There are a species of boring morons(BM) only found on Planet I (IIM Indore).

This species has the following peculiar behavioural characteristics; their responses to certain stimuli presented within quotes.("") (note : thoughts to self made within brackets)

1. (When im watching the movie/episode in my room) "Hey!! Tubelight Fight!!! go back, i wanna see it from the beginning.... dont these guys get an electric shock??" (Dude, go watch prison break... hath saale )

2. (With facebook's nominate ur friend application; most like to) "swing green tubelights at people thinking he's darth bader" (Its red lightsabre, moron, and its Vader, as in Vladivostok)

3. (on gtalk) dude, share that Star trek episode 6 on the LAN. (may god have mercy on your soul)

4. (on watching the movie...)"Dude!! this is amazing..." (Great!! another fan in the making - perhaps he realises that buddhism is the inspiration for lucas' 'jedi code' ). "the tubelights can get switched ON super fast, Da!!!".(oh crap..)

5. (Star Trek 11 trailer had been released) "Wont that idiot george lucas stop with 6 already...??"

Its amazing how we know nothing about the sci fi genre of books and movies in India (My apologies to the hard-core sci-fanatic reading this, im only trying to make a point). Is it just that the cultural disposition toward 'unearthly' themes is that of ridicule, or has it just not taken off owing to not-so-widespread literacy ??

Im now starting on the Illuminatus Trilogy; not sci fi at all, but good reading nonetheless.

Next Post : First Ever Movie/Book review !!! (a treat to my whopping 8 rss subscribers and 10 average daily unique visitors) (:D)

Its the dawn of the arbit GDs, Da ..

Its that time of year, when the butterflies fly serenely across a field of flowers, when the stag eyes the doe, when the ice melts and gives way to new life.... and when 10 people scream their lungs out trying to be the 'moderator'.

thats right, Group Discussions/Personal Interviews(GD/PI) for admission into the Indian Institutes of Management have begun. An old friend of mine gave me a call saying that he needed some tips for the process to come. I reminisced some of my experiences at the time...
I had calls from Lucknow(L), Indore(I), and Kozhikode(K). My first GDPI was for K.

I had been to the GDPI training module that T.I.M.E had organised, and felt pretty comfy. After all, its only a GD.(actually, thats what i told myself to calm down. i was a nervous git at the time). 8 people were called in, i was one of them. I socialised with a few, got to know their names and backgrounds (couldnt help noticing that the girl in the black suit looked awesome). We were seated in an oval, with a piece of paper kept blankside-up in front of us. 2 minutes given to prepare, 10 to discuss, the rules said. The prof signaled the start of the 2 minutes. I was under-confident to the point that i almost got stomach cramps when i saw the topic -

'Chinese hamburgers are the next big thing'.

WTF ?? i want 'Red is Green' or similar sounding abstract topics!!... not some crap of this sort!! I could see no trace of surprise on any of the other people's faces. That makes me the only 'glober' in the GD. Golden Rule - 'Dont Panic. theyre all, mostly harmless'. I took the first minute to calm down, and the second to jot down arbit points. This should be an abstract topic.. what the hell is a chinese hamburger ??

The guy from Delhi started out 'Given the abstract nature of the topic, id like to take a view on this; i think the 'chinese hamburger' is representative of ... blah ... and so i think the GDP plays a huge factor."

Ok, i shudve listened, hes brought in the god damn GDP. evasive manoeuver - the remaining 7 of us fight for a chance to talk, i lead the pack by waiting for the calm, and then raising volume - 'I completely agree with the GDP dude, but i feel a different view is required to realise in full what the topic suggests.(man, i can talk like that??)'

'See, the chinese hamburger is a reference to the impact of globalisation on the development of the world ... blah ... cultures blend, giving rise to everything from new tech to new cuisine ... blah ... chinese is symbolic of 'east' and hamburger of 'west' ... more blah'.

There, im happy now. starting with ' I agree with him ... ' never fails. thats rule no. 2. The GD progresses on these lines, with smaller contributions from my side. Phew, that wasnt so bad, was it?

We were asked to wait outside the room, while members of the group were singled out and called back in for the personal interview.

I had no idea what was gonna hit me next. I was the 3rd person called for the interview; twas a pretty long wait, anxiety doing its worst. After frantic attempts to find out what the questions were like from the people who went in before me, it was my turn. I learnt that there were 2 profs - bald guy and silent killer. Why they called him silent killer, i was going to find out.

Bald Guy - come in, come in.. have a seat...
Silent Killer - *blank*
Poor Me - (took the seat)
BG - so, Chennai eh?? whats the city like?(im from Madras, now called chennai)
PM - Oh, its good... historic city with innumerable cultural influences.. (WTF?? stop globing, idiot...)
BG - aah, im sure. so, tell me abt urself...
PM - (usual blah)
BG - astronomer eh?? (he was one too... thus followed 40 qs on telescope adjustment, stars, and constellations. all answered well, thankfully)

BG - so, mr srivats, watcha think of the GD ??
PM - (dude........) yeah, it was ok... served its purpose...
BG - good... good ... now, ur an electronics engineer??
PM - thats right dude...
BG - why mba, mac ??
PM - usual blah...
BG - aah, starting a company?? nice... very nice... what kind of company??
PM - (hey! ur supposed to be impressed and stop at that... dimwit...) (some more blah)
BG - interesting... interesting...
SK - hang on... u have this subject called, 'engineering economics and financial accounting...??'
PM - (oh shit... why me? why that? why now? damn u to hell, silent killer!!) yeah, so?
SK - whatcha learn, mac?
PM - oh, the usual - demand curves, some balance sheet etc - but it is not my forte... (:D)
SK - (evil grin) im sure.... so, what are the two sides of a balance sheet ??
PM - oh easy... (hang on, what are the two sides?? dude, i knew this!!) im not very sure sir...
SK - cmon srivats, im sure u can do better than that...
PM - well, at ur insistence, il hazard a guess..
BG and SK - yeah????


PM - income, and outcome...

BG, SK - hahahahaha, hohohohohohoho, hhehhehhehhhheeeeee, this guy is too good!!!
PM - haha, ahem, yeah.. haha...

that was the end. the finishing move. i committed sepukku in my first IIM GDPI. I was only hoping that theyd realise that it was a mistake any non commerce guy cud make...(yeah right!).

Luckily, they did want me back to teach me what the two sides really were, and more at K. but then, im here at I, and loving it...!! (:D)

Dont correct me when im talking, Da !!

Im bad at conversations. Especially when im explaining why im not to blame, when i am. sometimes, the angry other tends to make mistakes - grammatical or otherwise - and i always end up correcting them, only to worsen my already precarious diplomatic mission.

When on the phone with mom :

mom - "Did u look up that relative living in Indore??"
me - "no, shud i have??"
mom - "whaaaat did i tell u before leaving... blah blah .... old lady, have some consideration for others.... blah ... poor padma paati..." (tamil for grandmother, also used for old women when referenced)
me - "isnt she shanta paati ??"
mom - "* blank* yes, BUT U DONT GET MY POINT. STOP CORRECTING ME WHEN IM TALKING"

Talking to a good friend, generally :

Fr - "Ive got an admit from AIM manila !!(pronouncing it like an acronym)"
me - "i think its just A I M, not aim .. "
Fr "Dei baadu (u pimp) ... ur supposed to congratulate me, watha (id rather not translate) "

Sometimes i do it just for the fun of it :D. Something tells karma has it's sights on me...

Whats in a Name, Da ??

One of my friends is now a father!! (kudos Avi!!). We caught up after a long time and he shared his experience with selecting a suitable name for his child...

Avi had always been fond of 'Lavanya'. (:D) (an old college crush, whose name he liked a lot). Anyways, his wife wanted that the name begin with the same letter as her name does. (Kavita)
A small argument snowballed into a lot more, with no amicable solution in sight. He got thinking about names like 'river' and 'leaf' taking after Joaquin Phoenix, one of his favorite actors. Again, Kavi shrugged this idea off; indian names only.

Avi changed lines, what if its a boy?? he wanted Avi jr. This wasnt very attractive to the counter party, who wanted a 'distinct yet subtle' name for her son. Putting his managerial skills to the task, he came with some data, akin to what we see in Freakonomics - custom made for Hindu names.

He predicted that 5 hindu names would be most popular in India by 2011 :
Boys:
1. Anand
2. Vikram
3. Mohan
4. Aditya
5. Sanjeev

and girls:

1. Kanchana
2. Lavanya - (we all suspect foul play here :D)
3. Ambika
4. Radhika
5. Gayatri

All with his own logic for it. (Income levels of the various SECs, and associated blah). Ultimately, this list didn't get past his wife. A long and arduous battle ensued, until finally 2 names were agreed upon :

Kanchana for the girl, Avinash (no junior appended) for the boy. And, finally, after all the waiting, a big and warm welcome to Avinash Chatterjee !! (jr ??)

What’s Life without Risk, Da??

The last term at IIM Indore, is as expected – loads of free time, mind numbing boredom.
Sajeev has brainwaves sometimes. At one such instance, he decided to buy a board game called ‘Risk’. It wasn’t like any game I had played before.

The board is essentially the world map, split up into 42 nations. Players first roll the die to determine the highest number rolled, and choose territories to occupy in a clockwise fashion from the highest caster. To indicate occupation, they place a unit on that territory. Risk essentially has 3 army pieces.

1. Infantry – Worth 1 unit
2. Cavalry – Worth 5 units
3. Artillery – Worth 10 units

The pieces themselves only serve to reduce the ‘traffic’ on the map as the game progresses. Once the countries are chosen, the players have a set number of units (20 in the case of a 4 player game) to distribute across their territory. They may choose to concentrate forces at key locations, or chose to spread out and converge at a later point in time.
After the distribution, battle begins. Traditional die roll is used to determine outcomes, with each round consisting of a max of 3 invaders and 2 defenders. Each player uses one die per unit attacking/defending. The highest 2 dice for each are compared, and then the next 2, to determine the winner for each attacker/defender unit pair. The goal is global domination, baby.
Yeah, I felt bored while going thru the rule book too. Anyways, the computer version is much faster and a lot more fun, especially since others can join in over the LAN. As is with all new things, I got Addicted.
I realized when playing with the computer that some major connections on the world map had to be taken. With these junctions defended from atleast one side, there was no stopping me in long run. On the whole, an awesome game to play, and a big waste of time. I take about 20 mins per game, and play for about 4 hours before i'm bored.

Heres the link to the computer version (WARNING : Uber Addictive) :

http://www.janbuurstrasoftware.com/EmpireXP52.msi

Machan, Whaaaat is thisss Da ???

Note - Da : Tamil equivalent of 'yaar', with slightly different usage

Team Leads and other individuals with significant responsibilities need to discipline the ranks. Authoritarian bosses spare no one. Others favour more personal approaches, taking the 'im your friend' route to inspire the workforce.

An interesting thing to study is how friends in a B school study group, where there is no formal authority endowed upon anyone, discipline each other/respond to 'im lagging behind'. It is logical to assume that the studious assign work and make sure that its done, and the ones with diversified interests (read: free riders) struggle to complete their portions.

Heres a list of who and what they say when asked "dude, i havent done my part, when is the deadline??"

Ajay - "Machan, Whaaaaaaat is thisss da??? whyyyy cant you finish on time da??"

Arun - "Boss, this is not happening..."

Maheswari - "cho$#@^$! saala, i wont do this work..."

Alok - "We have a submission??"

Asha - "(after a painfully long silence on gtalk) ok................"

Robin - "hahahahahahahaha, u have work to do?? hahahahahahahahaha"

Sajeev - "Huh?? what?? I dont know da... i just woke up... (all while stretching in 4 directions)"

There also come times when groups need to make powerpoint presentations. Theres one everyday. Undergrad presentations were the stuff nightmares were made of; stagefright, cold feet, etc. These are nothing of that sort, but are a pain to make(powerpoint) and getting people to present.

Heres how a typical pep talk goes :

Ajay - "Machaan, I donno...... you are going to present..." - Ordering
Protagonist - "Ur kidding me right?? no chance in hell..." - dint work

Ajay - "Machaaan... Whyyyyyyy da?? Its only a ppt daa..." - pleading
Prt - "Dude, i gotta shave and stuff, no way man. no can do" - dint work

Ajay - "See da, only u can do this da" - Appeal to the ego
Prt - "yeah right, podaaa ^$!@#^$" - sarcasm, followed by expletive; dint work

Ajay - "Dude, You either present or make the ppt. Il give you the 75 page report, get started" - (Appeal to reason/threat)
Prt - "fine da, u make the ppt, il present" - (sees gain in meeting the terms of the negotiator)

Ajay - "Thats better..... hang on, i have to talk to kodi now...(on the phone)"Kodi, whaaaaaaat is thiss da???"